Yesterday I was talking with a friend, she is in a love relationship and she wants to reach a new level with her partner and decide whether to continue to the next step of engagement, but she was very confused, sad and depressed because things are not outgoing as she wanted. For those who are in a similar situation, I recommend the book The Ten Commandments of Dating , written by Dr. Samuel Adams and Ben Young
Today we are begining an analysis of the teachings of this book:
First Commandment: Live your life
When a relationship breaks down you wonder what went wrong? Who's to blame? Why this relationship failure?
* If a relationship fails it can be because you have no life, your family was your life, this is where all the self-esteem is based on the couple and the couple have no life. This is the first and fundamental commandment: !live your life ! ! Live and keep your life !.
For a person with own life, marriage does not is his biggest goal, they do not have to have a relationship to feel good, they do not put their hope in the church, bar, internet, etc. to find "the right person."
Relationships and marriage are important goals, but if you take the fore in your life, you have a problem.
If you have no life of its own (your career, interests, friends and even your relationship with God) will not be happy even if you're dating, why? fall in love and marry, Because you have nothing to contribute to the relationship and your boyfriend will absorb up to dry, and put your expectations on your partner to satisfy you, you complete, you will happy and in peace.
If you do not put into practice this commandment the following can happen:
- NO LIFE : People who are living a non-life have something in common, they have consumed so much trying to find someone who meets their needs and give them a meaning, his life has been made in the background. These people believe they can not believe that there is fun and worth living without a "Companion" and the feel of the Non-Life are:
A. DESPERATION: has a sense of urgency to find a partner and fill the void in them, the emergency strategy to join the other couple scares instead of attract them feel scared and away terrified .
B. GUEST: getting a dependent and safety significance. Must be with that person to feel good. Become unable to make their own decisions. If you relate to a person who depends on you, sucks your vitality and if both are dependent on this is even more unbearable. As human beings to some extent depend on others for certain needs that is normal and healthy, but if you join a person with a non-life, relying too heavily on you, to get to cover most of their needs and the provision of identity.
People with a non-life refuge on TV, Films, Job, Ministry, Internet, Games, etc.
If you've noticed after reading this, somewhere that describes you, team up with people of both sexes have their own goals, etc.
- DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS: The feelings of depression and loneliness are complaints from everyone who believe that someone else can make them happy, it affects physical, emotional and spiritual.
This depression has features such as unhappiness, melancholy, lack of energy, and withdrawing from others, there is also a drop in self-esteem.
Example:. A time ago one young man with this kind of life had several failure relationships, to avoid the problem he refuge himself in internet, and watch TV, it worsened their situation. The risk of depression is more dangerous than when you shrink this even much more, and may include symptoms such as: loss of appetite, sleep, difficulty concentrating, this has to star a therapy, this young man was in therapy and now grows more friends .
- DETACHMENT: This person is separated from social relationships, the desire to spend time with friends, community involvement, or serve in the church is gone .
-HOW TO LIVE:
a. - Have a base: Have a strong identity recognizes your worth until you feel confident and secure. By having a strong identity will not be disturbed or destroyed by a "bad time", words spoken to you. Many of us deal in our outward appearance, hair, face, body, clothes, possessions, racing to feel of value. It is arranged externally to improve the internal.
There is nothing wrong with exercise, dress well, study, but if you pursue these things that give you a sense of self-esteem then you will always be looking for ....
Self esteem is not something that is acquired, this is not buying is something you already own.
Your value as a child of God is incalculable, accept yourself, love yourself, respect yourself. When you see yourself as God sees you will be free of insecurity and fear.
b. - Join Groups: You were created to be united with others. There must be people who will listen where you reveal your concerns.
c. - Search Goals: Have your goals in writing. (People who have been most successful are those that had put their goals in writing)
d. - Give: The key to a life of misery and loneliness is: look for their own pleasure.
e. - Build: Grow requires a willingness to study, improve, explore.
Success comes from good discernment, and this comes from experience, and this of making mistakes.
CONSEQUENCES for disobey this command:
- Being depressed and loneliness.
BENEFITS for obey this command:
- Self confidence, stability and enthusiasm for life will inevitably attract other like a magnet.
- You will have something to share, will be interesting to hear you, and you will get more friends.
- You can not undue and excessive pressure on your partner to satisfy your emotional needs and feel satisfied.
This left them both free to be yourself and recognize each other as independent.
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